Ho-blooming-Ho!

Gah!  Its that time of year again when we're forced to be happy and full of good will to all men and make pleasant chit chat with those work colleagues / neighbours / sulky-faced shop assistants we normally don't give the time of day to in a veiled attempt to make up for the ills of the rest of the year.

Bah-flaming-humbug! I don't know if its down to the weather, the time of year (I'm a "summer" baby, ergo I despise the winter months) or just because it all seems so superficial and false, but I'm finding it pretty difficult this year to swallow back my feelings of loathing about the festive season. Why can't we make an effort with others at any time of the year, not just for a couple of weeks in December? And the forced making merry with family within close confines (let's face it, few of us are going to be treated to a breath taking, snow enchanted walk post-Christmas lunch), arguing over which movie to watch, whose turn it is to choose a board game and the feeling that one just has to join in with the jollities. Don't get me wrong; I love my family and TOM's family are (mostly) great as well. But it just ain't natural to have a protracted bonding session in someone's elses house (Outlaws this year) for 7 or 8 hours in a single day.

Tried to explain to TOM tactfully that I'm really struggling to find my 'Christmas spirit' this year. His solution? He's gone up into the attic to bring down the Christmas decorations to "get you in the swing of things" !!!!

I know what we're doing next year - we're going away for a week to a cottage somewhere, just the 4 of us to have some proper, quality, family time without any other pressures or distractions. That's what we'll be doing. How long to December 2010??

Crap mother moment

Son One received an invite early last week to go round to a friend's house for tea that Friday after school. The invite came by text and the reply of acceptance sent by text.

Didn't think any more about it. Friday morning came along and I waved Son One off to school saying  "Have fun at your friend's house, I'll be there to pick you up at 7pm" and off to work I went.

It was only at 3pm that same afternoon when I was heading off to pick up Son Two from his school, that the thought struck me that I had no idea how Son One and his friend were getting to the friend's house or even what the arrangements were for the two of them to meet up at the end of the school day (both being in separate classes). A panicked phone call ensued to the friend's Mum who allayed my fears by assuring me that she had told her son to go to Son One's classroom immediately the kicking out bell rang at 3:15pm. I'm so glad that one of us was organised and on the ball. Honestly, there are just some days when I wonder if I'm responsible enough to be looking after my children!!

Needless to say, Son One was totally oblivious to his Crap Mum's shredded nerves and had a thoroughly wonderful time at the friend's house.

Time management

I don't know why, but for the last couple of weeks I've been finding myself going to bed really late at night. I usually wander on up to bed around 10:30-ish but recently I haven't been retiring until nearly midnight. Been trying to figure out what the hell it is I've been doing and have just realised I mostly been faffing about.

Instead of being my usual organised self, I find myself doing all sorts of little jobs and tasks in the last hour or so before I go to bed. Usually I get in from work, sort out the kids with homework and make their tea. While they're eating I'll potter about putting on washing or pushing the vacuum round or whatever. But I've not been doing that for some reason. I couldn't tell you what I've been instead though - just time wasting !

I haven't been sleeping too well either - sign of a guilty conscience TOM says! I have had a lot on my mind lately so perhaps I'm putting off going to bed because I know I won't sleep restfully. Self-defeating really. So, from tomorrow night (as it is now approaching 11:30pm) I will aim to be in bed shortly after 10pm to see if I can regain my natural rhythm.

So it begins

The visits to potential secondary schools, that is.

As parents we have free choice of where to apply to send our children to secondary school. That doesn't mean we will get our first or even second choice of school but it does mean we aren't restricted to the school closest to the family home.

So we have lined up 6 (yes, 6!) secondary schools to visit in order to be able to make an "informed" choice. Last night was the first visit to an all boys comprehensive school. Its a school which, in the past, has not always had the best of reputations but has seen significant improvements in the last few years. So along we went. We sat through the Head's presentation (very passionate and enthusiastic), we had the grand tour but, you know, it just didn't "feel right". I wouldn't say it was a rough school but TOM and I agreed it felt a bit like Waterloo Road (off the telly) but with not as good decoration. Son One was fairly ok about it but I did point out that we still have another 5 schools to visit and he doesn't have to make his mind up just yet.

I can see the next couple of weeks are going to rather stressful!

Money, money, money

Oh.My.Goodness! I definitely know the kids are back at school now because the begging letters have come home. You know the ones - school trip which ties in with a history topic and will cost £7 which is a voluntary contribution but which you know you will end up paying because if enough people don't pay then the trip will be cancelled leaving you feeling that somehow you've cheated your child out of an important aspect of their education.

So far, in the last week, I've had asks for the following:

• £40 deposit for school residential which takes place during July next year
• £30 insurance for Child One and Child Two's sporting activity (£60!)
• £25 exam fee for Child One's sport
• a slip to purchase raffle tickets @ £1 a throw for the school Autumn show next weekend (I bought 5 - well the prizes look really good)

and that doesn't even include the Scholastic book magazine which Child One brought home and is keenly eyeing up the new Horrid Henry tome, or the extra on the shopping bill for items for packed lunches, or the new trainers Child Two suddenly requires for school (weren't on the PE list sent home at the end of last term) because he has decided he wants to do cross country running.

Roll on half term - I think it will be cheaper that week!

Movin' on up

It's the time of year universally feared by parents of Year 6 children. Yes, it's time to start thinking about WHICH SENIOR SCHOOL YOUR CHILD WILL GO TO!

Oldest Child brought home a load of bumpf relating to secondary school transfers from primary school today including a letter from the local education authority. The letter was mostly about  Oldest Child's unique reference number and deadlines for submitting applications for preferred senior school blah-de-blah, but also "helpfully" included the names of the two schools in our designated catchment area. OK, you might say, what's the beef there? I'll tell you what - the LEA has only put down 2 schools which are miles away from our house rather than the 2 schools closest to us. TOM phoned up the helpline to complain and was given some convoluted explanation that it doesn't matter which schools are closest to us, it all depends which ward we're in - this apparently dictates which school catchment area we fall under.

TOM was assured (just) that this won't stop us from applying for whichever schools we want, but it does mean there are absolutely no guarantees that we will get our first or even second choice of secondary school. OMFG, this is looking like it could be rather stressful. Quick, pass me the lavender oil!

Some more things which annoy me

My apologies, Dear Reader, I remembered a few more things which irritate me as I was walking to work this morning:

• People (usually women, a-hem!) who don't remove the price label from the soles of their footwear. I mean, how slack is that?
• Power sockets being left on with no appliances plugged in. Maybe this is just me being a bit OCD or perhaps in awe of the "magic" of electricity and not understanding how it works but, really, it bugs me. Wherever I am if I see a socket switched to 'On' with nothing plugged in I am compelled to switch it off. TOM thinks I need some professional help with this particular little issue.
• Other drivers parking so close to my side of the car that I have to gain entry through the passenger door; no mean feat in a small vehicle like mine. This happened this morning and the offending driver (I hate to say but it was a woman!!) was STILL IN her car. Busy setting up her sat nav, she was. Completely ignored my polite tapping on her window. Honestly some people.
• Crocs footwear. Well, not the actual items themselves as I do confess to having a pair. More like Crocs being worn inappropriately. Just because you work in social care doesn't mean its ok to wear clumpy, plastic slip-ons to the office. I promise you, it just isn't professional.

A short list today but I'm glad to have got them off my chest. Thank you for your patience.

What's the point...

... in doing all this bloody exercise only to put ON weight? Did 5 days in a row getting up at stupid o'clock in the morning and sweating like a sweaty thing. Get on the scales this morning to discover I've put on 1lb. WTF is that all about?!

TOM reckons that its muscle which, of course, weighs more than fat. I just snorted derisively when he said that. I've even been careful(ish) with what I've been eating. It's so not fair.

But, I'm not giving up. I have my kit and trainers all laid out in the bedroom ready to grab for a run in the morning.

Back to school

Today is the last day of the school holidays. To make it a fun day, The Old Man and I decided to take the kids out for a final treat to a local outdoor adventure activities centre. Great time had by all and we all came home in high spirits.

So, when I suggested that we really ought to get things ready for 'Back to School' I was met with disgruntled stares and much shrugging of shoulders and everyone disappeared quicker than you could say "free ice cream". Why is it that I end up having to organise everything for everyone? OK, perhaps I should have been a little more together earlier in the summer break, but how come I ended up spending the best part of two hours labelling uniforms, checking PE kit, packing school bags and preparing lunch boxes? I tell you why - because no other bugger in this house can be bothered to!

'Ah', I hear you say, Dear Reader, 'why not leave them to do it all themselves in the morning?' Because I really don't think my stress levels could cope with the apocalyptic chaos that would ensue from letting two children and one husband sort their own stuff out by themselves. I can just hear it now - "Mum, where's my..." / "Hun, have you seen my..."

Really, I'm better off just doing it myself!

Releasing my inner slob

Today is August Bank Holiday Monday and instead of watching TOM skillfully flipping burgers on the barbie while supervising on the sun-drenched decking from the comfort of a sun lounger, it is my turn to cook as the weather is looking a bit overcast with threat of rain - at least that's what he has managed to convince me of.

So what gastronomic delight have I managed to conjure up for my doting family? Microwaveable spag bol from Tesco and garlic bread (actually cooked in the oven) for the kids and a take away Indian For Two - also courtesy of the big T ('every little helps') - for me and TOM. Lazy? Nah, just taking the easy route !

Let's get fit

This morning I decided it was about time I did some proper exercise. So I donned my runners and dusted off the treadmill which has been looking at me rather reproachfully from the corner of the conservatory for some considerable time. Thinking back, the last time I did any running (apart from trying to catch the ice cream van for the kids) was last summer when I did Race For Life. There are loads of reasons why I've lapsed with the whole running thing, the main one being suffering from the condition known as Lazyarsedness.

I was quite chuffed with myself. Managed to do 4K (ok, so mostly walked but at a fast pace with a few hundred metres of running chucked in) in 40 minutes. The time's a bit shit considering when I was 'race fit' *mock chortles* I could run 5K in just under that. Even remembered to do cool down stretches afterwards but OMG, getting fit is bloody hard work. Then there's fitting it in. Official advice, i.e. the Nanny State by which we are all ruled, is 30 mins of exercise 5 times a week. When the hell am I supposed to be able to do that? I've worked out that I can probably only do it before anyone else in the house gets up so that means setting the alarm for 6am during the week, bloody hell. Still, keep focussed - if getting fit lowers my blood pressure and shifts a few pounds that should mean by GP keeps off my back. Pass me a caramel slice...

Hello, if you annoy me I may just want to smack you in the face

Hmm, hopefully the title has caught your attention. Let's get this straight from the outset, I'm actually a really nice, reasonable person but (and it's a fairly BIG but) I do get a tad ticked off about things. Up until now I've held all my frustrations and anger in but that's all about to change. My GP (miserable git) is threatening to prescribe me blood pressure tablets - I'm only just over 40; surely I'm too young to be taking that sort of shit? I only stop taking the pill 7 years ago so I certainly don't want to be doping up on any other sort of medication just yet, thank you very much.

Anyhoo, my doc gave me six months to lose 15 kilos (fair enough, you might say) but bloody hell has it been difficult. I've given up salt - 'cept on chips which I hardly ever have, ooops well actually last night I did but I AM still on holiday - I'm eating a lot more healthily ('cept for the chips) but OMG it is SO difficult to lose weight. So, I figured if I reduced my stress levels that in turn would help reduce my BP. Ergo, this blog to vent and off load.

OK I keep digressing. On to business. In order for you to get a flavour of my character, Dear Reader, I thought it would be useful to kick off with a list of my pet peeves (and there are MANY) so here we go with a taster, in no particular order:

1. 
   
   Young men (usually in the 15 - 25 category) who go around with their trousers hanging half way down their butt cheeks thereby displaying to everyone their manky old underwear. Do you not get it? It is NOT sexy, it is NOT clever and it is NOT trendy!!! Every time I see one of these young lads in town, I just want to go behind them and give them the biggest wedgie ever. So, please, stop it - you just look like a Dickhead.
2. 
   
   People in town during my lunch break who doddle. Look, I'm being reasonable here. You've had all morning to do your shopping so you could at least bugger off to a cafe for half an hour, but stop blocking my way to the shops / bank / post office when I'm on my 20 minute break from the office. Do you really have to string your whole family out across the width of the pavement so nobody can pass by? Show some recognition to those of us who don't have the luxury of being able to take our time getting shopping done between the hours of noon and 2 pm and eff off out of my way.
3. 
   
   People talking over me. Its one thing guaranteed to rile me. The concept of conversation is a simple one - person A talks then pauses, then person B talks then pauses and so on. If you talk over me then I'll simply shut up and ignore you.
4. 
   
   The toilet seat not being put down. I guess this is pretty much universally a female "thing", but come on guys how much effort does it really take to shut the lid after you use the loo?
5. 
   
   People who don't clean up after their dogs. If you own a dog you should be prepared to clean up its shit. I know it is a horrible, stinky thing to do (I have a dog which leaves elephant-sized mounds, so I sympathise at the awfulness of the task) but it is a must. There is nothing worse than your kids coming home with dog crap all over the bottom of their shoes and then having to scrape it off.
6. 
   
   Stupid people. Full stop.
7. 
   
   Chuggers. You know, those attractive, hippy-looking students hired by charidees to stand in the High Street of towns up and down the country who interrupt you with a falsely cheery "How you doing today?" as you go about your own business. Do I look like a mug? If I want to donate to your charity, then I'd research it in my own time and make up my own mind without your pressure selling techniques. For your information, TOM works for a charity and I have several direct debits set up for worthy causes of my choice so, please, don't give me a hurt look when I say that, no I really don't want to talk to you.
8. 
   
   Periods. I'm not saying I particularly want to enter the menopause just yet, but look I've done the kid thing and really don't want any more (I'm just too knackered for 4 am feeds if nothing else) so what's the point in them? So, please, if you could just stop that would save me so much hassle every month.
9. 
   
   Inconsistent sizing for clothes and shoes. Why is it that a pair of trousers from manufacturer A are a 14 and yet the same style from manufacturer B are 16? Same goes for shoes - you'd think that there'd be a UK standard for all clothing and shoe producers to work to.
10. 
    
    Electricity salespersons in Sainsburys / Tesco / Morrisons (delete as appropriate). WTF is that all about? I'm there to do my food shopping not change my utilities supplier! How the hell am I supposed to know off the top of my head how much I spend a year on gas and electricity? I have a monthly direct debit set up and I have no idea what my current provider charges per unit. Actually thinking about it, same goes to cold callers at home - if I want to change my provider I'll use a price comparison website and do my own research TVM (you can see a pattern forming here - I'm very into independent research and fact finding).

Phew, that kinda felt cathartic. Feeling a lot better already after that little off load. I'm a bit worn out so I'm going to stop now - you probably need some recovery time yourselves. Thanks for indulging me and maybe you'll stop by another time?...