Releasing my inner slob

Today is August Bank Holiday Monday and instead of watching TOM skillfully flipping burgers on the barbie while supervising on the sun-drenched decking from the comfort of a sun lounger, it is my turn to cook as the weather is looking a bit overcast with threat of rain - at least that's what he has managed to convince me of.

So what gastronomic delight have I managed to conjure up for my doting family? Microwaveable spag bol from Tesco and garlic bread (actually cooked in the oven) for the kids and a take away Indian For Two - also courtesy of the big T ('every little helps') - for me and TOM. Lazy? Nah, just taking the easy route !

Let's get fit

This morning I decided it was about time I did some proper exercise. So I donned my runners and dusted off the treadmill which has been looking at me rather reproachfully from the corner of the conservatory for some considerable time. Thinking back, the last time I did any running (apart from trying to catch the ice cream van for the kids) was last summer when I did Race For Life. There are loads of reasons why I've lapsed with the whole running thing, the main one being suffering from the condition known as Lazyarsedness.

I was quite chuffed with myself. Managed to do 4K (ok, so mostly walked but at a fast pace with a few hundred metres of running chucked in) in 40 minutes. The time's a bit shit considering when I was 'race fit' *mock chortles* I could run 5K in just under that. Even remembered to do cool down stretches afterwards but OMG, getting fit is bloody hard work. Then there's fitting it in. Official advice, i.e. the Nanny State by which we are all ruled, is 30 mins of exercise 5 times a week. When the hell am I supposed to be able to do that? I've worked out that I can probably only do it before anyone else in the house gets up so that means setting the alarm for 6am during the week, bloody hell. Still, keep focussed - if getting fit lowers my blood pressure and shifts a few pounds that should mean by GP keeps off my back. Pass me a caramel slice...

Hello, if you annoy me I may just want to smack you in the face

Hmm, hopefully the title has caught your attention. Let's get this straight from the outset, I'm actually a really nice, reasonable person but (and it's a fairly BIG but) I do get a tad ticked off about things. Up until now I've held all my frustrations and anger in but that's all about to change. My GP (miserable git) is threatening to prescribe me blood pressure tablets - I'm only just over 40; surely I'm too young to be taking that sort of shit? I only stop taking the pill 7 years ago so I certainly don't want to be doping up on any other sort of medication just yet, thank you very much.

Anyhoo, my doc gave me six months to lose 15 kilos (fair enough, you might say) but bloody hell has it been difficult. I've given up salt - 'cept on chips which I hardly ever have, ooops well actually last night I did but I AM still on holiday - I'm eating a lot more healthily ('cept for the chips) but OMG it is SO difficult to lose weight. So, I figured if I reduced my stress levels that in turn would help reduce my BP. Ergo, this blog to vent and off load.

OK I keep digressing. On to business. In order for you to get a flavour of my character, Dear Reader, I thought it would be useful to kick off with a list of my pet peeves (and there are MANY) so here we go with a taster, in no particular order:

1. 
   
   Young men (usually in the 15 - 25 category) who go around with their trousers hanging half way down their butt cheeks thereby displaying to everyone their manky old underwear. Do you not get it? It is NOT sexy, it is NOT clever and it is NOT trendy!!! Every time I see one of these young lads in town, I just want to go behind them and give them the biggest wedgie ever. So, please, stop it - you just look like a Dickhead.
2. 
   
   People in town during my lunch break who doddle. Look, I'm being reasonable here. You've had all morning to do your shopping so you could at least bugger off to a cafe for half an hour, but stop blocking my way to the shops / bank / post office when I'm on my 20 minute break from the office. Do you really have to string your whole family out across the width of the pavement so nobody can pass by? Show some recognition to those of us who don't have the luxury of being able to take our time getting shopping done between the hours of noon and 2 pm and eff off out of my way.
3. 
   
   People talking over me. Its one thing guaranteed to rile me. The concept of conversation is a simple one - person A talks then pauses, then person B talks then pauses and so on. If you talk over me then I'll simply shut up and ignore you.
4. 
   
   The toilet seat not being put down. I guess this is pretty much universally a female "thing", but come on guys how much effort does it really take to shut the lid after you use the loo?
5. 
   
   People who don't clean up after their dogs. If you own a dog you should be prepared to clean up its shit. I know it is a horrible, stinky thing to do (I have a dog which leaves elephant-sized mounds, so I sympathise at the awfulness of the task) but it is a must. There is nothing worse than your kids coming home with dog crap all over the bottom of their shoes and then having to scrape it off.
6. 
   
   Stupid people. Full stop.
7. 
   
   Chuggers. You know, those attractive, hippy-looking students hired by charidees to stand in the High Street of towns up and down the country who interrupt you with a falsely cheery "How you doing today?" as you go about your own business. Do I look like a mug? If I want to donate to your charity, then I'd research it in my own time and make up my own mind without your pressure selling techniques. For your information, TOM works for a charity and I have several direct debits set up for worthy causes of my choice so, please, don't give me a hurt look when I say that, no I really don't want to talk to you.
8. 
   
   Periods. I'm not saying I particularly want to enter the menopause just yet, but look I've done the kid thing and really don't want any more (I'm just too knackered for 4 am feeds if nothing else) so what's the point in them? So, please, if you could just stop that would save me so much hassle every month.
9. 
   
   Inconsistent sizing for clothes and shoes. Why is it that a pair of trousers from manufacturer A are a 14 and yet the same style from manufacturer B are 16? Same goes for shoes - you'd think that there'd be a UK standard for all clothing and shoe producers to work to.
10. 
    
    Electricity salespersons in Sainsburys / Tesco / Morrisons (delete as appropriate). WTF is that all about? I'm there to do my food shopping not change my utilities supplier! How the hell am I supposed to know off the top of my head how much I spend a year on gas and electricity? I have a monthly direct debit set up and I have no idea what my current provider charges per unit. Actually thinking about it, same goes to cold callers at home - if I want to change my provider I'll use a price comparison website and do my own research TVM (you can see a pattern forming here - I'm very into independent research and fact finding).

Phew, that kinda felt cathartic. Feeling a lot better already after that little off load. I'm a bit worn out so I'm going to stop now - you probably need some recovery time yourselves. Thanks for indulging me and maybe you'll stop by another time?...